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 Montaha
Kochou
Will
the Sun Rise Again?
by Montaha Kochou
An attractive
young woman, married with two children, will come face to face with
her first love after fourteen years of separation.
Her first love story started in her mother land Lebanon, a country
that has exotic beauty and was torn by religious war. Will she be
able to win the battle between her beliefs and convictions and her
desperate need for love and attention? Or, will she follow her burning
desire, and lose her kids, husband, pride, and dignity?
Montaha
Kochou, an Assyrian in origin, presents to the readers her second
novel. A love story that start in Beirut, Lebanon, the bride of
Middle East, and ends in the great city of Chicago. It is the episode
of a woman who finds herself on the horns of dilemma; torn between
her devotion to her family and her burning desire to be with her
first love. A rather moral adventure where faithfulness and infidelity
meet half way.
This story
takes you to moments of romance, suspense, spirituality, crime,
mystery, and adventures.
Extract of the book (Will
the Sun Rise Again?):
At the police station, Joseline's face looked gloomy and pale, shaded
with fear and frustration. Her heart was pounding faster and faster
as the policewomen guided her down the hallway into the jail cell.
She stood behind the bars shivering and sobbing while tears rolled
down her cheeks.
Confused and scared as she was, fearful thoughts started racing
in Joseline's mind. She was wondering, "what will happen to
me? What will my husband and my kids think of me? Will I ever have
a chance to be with them again? Or, will this be my end costing
me my life?"
A deep sigh let her held in breast loose and brought her back to
her senses, to find herself grabbing the steel bars with both of
her hands with her head leaning over them. She was frightened and
confused, murmuring and blaming herself for her unknown fate. All
of a sudden, her ears began humming. She almost went deaf. She couldn't
hear anything, but the strenuous sound of her breath getting shorter
and shorter to finally crack up into a loud cry.
Fatigued and exhausted, Joseline sat on the narrow stiff bed sobbing.
She covered her face with both of her hands and began rocking and
beseeching God. She looked as if she was hiding herself, feeling
shameful and guilty. "Oh Lord," she cried, "I admit
that I made a mistake, and knowing that I am a sinner, will you
forgive me one more time? For my kid's sake, please God,
embrace me with your divine providence and don't turn me down now
that you
are my only hope and refuge".
---
Hours went by
while Joseline was begging God for help. There were no more tears
left in her eyes to shed anymore. With shaken soul and broken spirit,
the wings of her memory fluttered and flew back in time. Diving
in the folds of her past, she was trying to capture those few sweet
moments she had in her life in order to ease off her pain and sorrow.
She recalled her early
childhood when her mother, still healthy and sound, would pick her
up in her gentle arms, rocking and singing for her, to go into a
peaceful sleep in her safe and warm lap. She was almost asleep when
a reflex shook her and brought her back to her bitter reality, terrified.
Joseline thought of her family and tears started oozing from her
swollen eyes to continue rocking and murmuring with a husky voice,
"Dear Lord," she sobbed, "I have the feeling that
my days are nearing their end while I am here in this cold and depressing
cell away from my poor children and
miserable husband who need me most. Tell me, Lord, will I be able
to go home? Will the sun rise again in my life?"
Tears of sorrows were still trickling down. She placed her hand
on her big belly and felt the kick of her baby. Then, she went back
into the memory of the incident which was the reason why she was
standing behind the bars.
---
Joseline was driving home after she had visited her sister Vera.
Her kids were sitting in the back seat of the car with their seat
belts on. She was listening to a song with the volume up. She looked
at the horizon and saw the sun going down. The sun rays penetrating
the few clouds in the sky made them appear reddish. It seemed as
if angels, in pink
night gowns, were dancing around to send the sun to it's sleeping
chamber. Darkness crawled over the city of Chicago. The weather
was wonderful for a mid June evening.
The gentle breeze was blowing her soft, light brown hair into her
lovely face. At times, it covered her beautiful large hazel eyes.
With the surrounding atmosphere, her first love crossed her mind.
She thought, "I wonder where Alex is now. Is he sill in Beirut?
Or is he somewhere else? I wish I knew. I really wish I could see
him again. I wonder if he still remembers me, or perhaps, the problems
of life erased my name
and my picture from his memory. Oh, Lebanon, the land of the brave,
how did you survive the bitter war and you're still standing proud
and beautiful.
Oh, Lebanon,
you are in fact a paradise. I miss home, I miss your mountains that
look like stretched arms of a beautiful bride hugging her groom
the Mediterranean Sea, an everlasting warm hug. I love you Lebanon,
north and south, mountains and hills, let alone your kind, affectionate
people. Oh God, I miss it all so much and Alex, too. At times, I
feel like I can't bare
his love in my heart anymore."
Joseline sighed, "Oh Ashur, if you had paid just a little more
attention to me, I wouldn't be thinking of anyone else but you."
A feeling of distress filled her soul. After all these years of
separation from Alex and her marriage with two children, she still
thinks of him. "God, it's like I can never get over Alex,"
she thought.
Finally they got home. Her kids climbed down and ran toward the
house. Joseline opened
the door and entered calling for her husband, "Ashur! Ashur!"
His voice came from the bedroom, "Honey, I'm right here."
She walked to the bedroom and stood still beside the open door.
"What are you doing?"
He smiled, "As you can see, I'm dressing up to go out."
"What about me?" she asked nervously.
"What about you, darling? You just came home," Ashur calmly
replied.
She crossed her arms and said, "Are you going to leave me here
alone again?"
"Look, sweetheart, you have all your freedom. I didn't ask
you to come home early. You could've stayed with your sister longer,"
he said while brushing his hair.
"It's like you're totally ignoring me. How long can I live
like this?" she said with tears gathering in her eyes and continued,
"I'm married with two kids. But it's like I don't have a husband.
I feel like a single mother."
He walked toward her and hugged her, "You don't have anything
missing in your life. You have a car and you always have enough
money in your purse. I don't argue with you when you go out. Just
let me enjoy my life, too."
"But I want you to be with me. I don't feel like I have a husband.
I'm married and I feel lonely. Had I known that this would be the
case with you, I would've stayed single. That would have been a
lot better for me," she said angrily.
"Honey, you are never lonely. You have your kids. Enjoy them!"
With that, he walked out of the room. She followed him with a saddened
face. The kids were in the living
room watching television. He hugged his kids, "they are the
joy of my life. Look at how beautiful they are. Besides, you have
your sister Vera, and, of course, your good friend Ralph. What else
do you need?"
"I
need a husband. I need a man in my life. I'm sick and tired of being
alone."
He looked at her furiously and said, "You know what? You always
like to ruin my happiness! I can never go out with a peace of mind.
You have everything, but you are never satisfied. What else do you
need?"
"You go out every night and leave me alone. Who would accept
this from her husband?" she cried.
"You know where I am at. I don't go fooling around with other
women. I spend my time playing cards for fun and enjoying the company
of my friends.
What's wrong with that? I work hard all day anyway. I need to have
a little fun in my life too."
With a serious look on her face, she said, "Why don't you stay
home and enjoy the company of your wife and kids for a change?"
"I need to see other people. I need to be away form home for
a little while," he answered and continued, "If I did
stay home, what would we talk about? I'll tell you exactly what
the topic would be. It would be about your sister Nadia. I'm sick
and tired of hearing this depressing story anyway."
She felt like she was exploding. "Fine! Why don't you think
of some pleasant subjects to talk about? Or, can you only make jokes
and have fun with your friends?"
"Oh, I'm wasting my time!" he shouted grabbing his car
keys. He opened the door to
leave and said, "Men don't like to talk, but women love to
talk all the time. You should find some interesting topics. Not
pathetic subjects like Nadia's tragic end and your abusive childhood.
Get over it. Look ahead to the future and stop dwelling on the past."
He walked back as if he remembered something. He kissed her cheek
fast. Sadly she looked at him, "Had you filled my life with
happiness, I wouldn't have kept bringing up the past. The misery
that I'm living in now brings back the memory of tragedies I've
had in my life."
"You know what your problem is? You always love to be sad,"
he said.
"You're talking nonsense now. Who loves to be sad?" she
yelled angrily.
He kissed her cheek again and left out the door. Silently she sat
on the couch thinking, "I have to admit, I have a failed marriage.
I'm married, but there's no man in my life. I only have kids around
me without a husband. What a depressing life I have!"
The telephone rang. She got up lazily and picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hello, how are you doing?"
"Oh, hi, Ralph. How are you? I haven't heard from you the last
couple of days."
"I was busy and as soon as I became free, I thought of calling
you. What's up?"
"Everything is the same, no changes you know, my main problem
is my husband."
"What's with him this time?"
"It's like he's living in a different world."
"What do you mean?"
"I
want him to spend more time with me. But he's always worried about
his friends and playing cards with them," Joseline replied.
"I see. It's the same old problem. I was worried, I thought
it was something else." He said and asked, "What are you
doing tomorrow?"
"Nothing special. What are you up to?"
"Let's take the kids out," Ralph suggested.
"After we come back from church I'll call you," she concluded
thankfully.
"You're right. Tomorrow is Sunday. I'll see you then,"
he said.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said and hung up.
She sat sadly and thought again, "Instead of their father thinking
of something to do with his kids, Ralph is thinking of where to
take them. If Nadia had stayed with him and had kids, they would've
had a wonderful father. Besides, all her history would have been
different. Her son, Mike,
would then have had an excellent father. He wouldn't have been without
his parents as he is right now. Even though Ralph wanted to adopt
him, Vera insisted on keeping Mike with her family. What's the difference?
He's with Ralph most of the time, anyway. Thank God, Ralph doesn't
let Mike feel parentless. On the other hand, Mike behaves with Ralph
as if he's his own father. What a wonderful man Ralph is; he is
great in every way. He still has much of his love devoted to Nadia."
The next day the door bell rang at Joseline's house. Her kids ran
to answer the door. She was in the kitchen and heard her kids shouting,
"Mom, Uncle Ralph is here!" She went toward the living
room. He was standing there holding both of her kids in his arms.
"Get down! You're not little babies anymore. He can't hold
both of you at the same time." She smiled.
"Didn't you know, I'm Hercules?" He laughed.
The kids stepped down, but were still holding his hands. "Leave
them alone, Joseline. Mike and them are the therapy in my life.
What? You didn't believe I was Hercules?" He laughed and continued,
"please, make some Turkish coffee first."
"Sure I will. Anything for you." She smiled and went to
the kitchen preparing the coffee.
They had their coffee and left. In the car, Joseline asked, "Where
will you take us?"
"Where else? The same beach. I love to be there all the time.
Besides, there's a park where the kids can play at. Above all, it's
a beautiful sunny day. We'll be able to enjoy it there." He
smiled.
Joseline kept quiet and traveled through her thoughts, "I know
why he likes that beach so much. I know he has had some wonderful
memories with Nadia there. I cannot believe this. After all these
years, he still loves her.
She's still alive in his memories. I don't believe that there is
a more faithful man in this world than Ralph. Nadia was a wonderful
person with ravishing looks and a strong personality. She is still
in control of his heart and emotions even though, she's dead. Oh
Nadia, although you are sleeping in your grave you still have it
all. You were strong and still are. You can still get what you want.
I'm alive and can't even get my husband's attention. I really have
a weak personality. I'm helpless. I wish I could be more like you,
Nadia."One week later, Joseline was at the beauty shop changing
her hair color.
She was adding highlights to her hair. When the hair-dresser finished,
he said, "I think being a blonde matches your figure and your
skin tone real good."
"I love it! You did a wonderful job." She smiled.
Excitedly, Joseline entered her house and dialed Ralph's number.
"Hello, Ralph. I would like you to join us for dinner. I'll
make some shish kabob tonight."
"Thank you, but I'm not sure if I can make it."
"No, please, I want you to come over. I'll wait for you anyway."
"Fine, I'll be there a little late though."
Joseline anxiously waited for Ralph to come for dinner. She heard
the door bell ring and hurried to open the door. Ralph stood there
startled by her looks.
"What did you do to your hair?" He asked.
She smiled and turned around. "Do you like it?"
"Yes, you look good with blond hair." He said and stared
at her eyes. "What happened to your eyes?'
"Do I look good with green eyes?" She kept smiling.
"What are you trying to do?"
"I thought of some change!"
---
He silently
sat down and thought to himself, "Why is she trying to look
like Nadia? She really looks like her, but why is she doing this?"
"So, how's everything?" He said under his breath.
"Dinner is ready. Let's go eat and I'll tell you all about
it." She smiled and continued, "I made sure not to waste
any time to prepare food while you're here because I have a lot
to tell you."
They walked to the dining room and sat down at the same table. Her
kids came running into the room. "Uncle Ralph! Uncle Ralph
is here!" Her kids jumped, shouted loudly then climbed into
his lap. "Shami, Sarge, behave. Let uncle Ralph eat his food
in peace. He'll come and play with you later."
"I don't mind, I love them very much," he smiled.
"You don't know how much they love you. All I hear from them
is 'Uncle Ralph!" She laughed and continued, "Their father
doesn't have enough time to spend with them. You spend more time
with them than he does."
"Start talking. What's going on?" he asked.
"Yesterday I had an argument with Ashur."
"Because he goes out and leaves you alone?"
"Yes, that's a part of it. But he also wants to go to Iraq
to visit his relatives."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, just he wants me to go with him and I don't want
to," she said and continued, "When we argue, I always
threaten him that I'll leave him one day and take the kids
with me. He, in his turn, threatens me back that he'll kidnap the
kids and run away some day. I'm afraid I have the feeling, if I
go with him, I'll face an even bigger problem that I don't need,"
she kept silent for a
moment. "Besides, I don't have anyone over there. If he wants
to go I'll let him go. I feel more safe in America."
"Your husband is a very kind and lovable person. I don't think
he's really all that serious about his threats. Personally, I like
him a lot." Ralph said.
"But you never know if he's serious or not. I don't like to
take any chances. As a matter of fact, I even have the passports
ready for the kids. They're locked in a safe place."
"Oh, I never knew you were so serious about this." He
said.
"I really get frightened when he intimidates me like that.
There's always many arguments between us, yesterday was the worst
one. I just can't imagine myself without my children," she
said.
"It's just your imagination. A nice person like Ashur would
never do that," Ralph assured.
"I know he has a wonderful personality. But, I'm worried about
the arguments we have all the time. I wish he would pay more attention
to me as much as he does to his friends." She paused for a
moment and looked at Ralph with a smile on her face, "We always
talk about me. What about you Ralph? What are you up to?"
"I'm fine. I'm busy trying to catch up with my work all the
time."
"I don't mean about your job, I mean about your life,"
she explained.
"Look,
I once had a wonderful woman in my life. She was my wife and I'll
never replace her with anyone. It's enough for me to live within
my memories." Ralph replied sadly and continued, "I'll
never forgive myself for not being able to speak up before she died.
As someone once said, 'One
of the greatest human sorrows is when you lose someone, before you
could ever have a chance to tell them how much you really loved
them.'" Tears were welling up in his eyes. He held Joseline's
hand, "I'm so thankful to God that I have you and Vera, and
especially Mike; the gift that Nadia left for me, and that you are
so close to me. I can still see Nadia's picture in
your eyes and catch her scent through you."
"No matter what happens, I'll be close to you forever"
she said. While holding her tears back remembering her sister and
feeling pity for Ralph.
Ralph looked down and remained quiet.
Joseline thought, "Nadia, no matter what I do, you remain stronger
than me. Even being in your grave, you are still controlling Ralph's
heart. I guess looks are not the key. It's the personality. You
had it in you, both looks and personality. There's no way I can
get anyone's attention. Not
even Ralph's. I just wanted to prove to myself that I was wanted
and lovable. But I have failed."
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